That Number On The Scale

It is funny/sad that I get congratulations for not gaining weight over the holidays but not for my re-commitment to becoming and staying healthy. 
I don't want congratulations at all, really, because this situation doesn't warrant them, but the fact that the world is focused on what a woman weighs and not her health is sad. 

Weight is only a measurement of gravitational pull. It does not define my worth, capabilities, love, knowledge... 

That number I see on the scale may offend a lot of people and I can guarantee if I said what it was- many people reading this would either think, "whoa! I am glad I am not THAT fat" or "WOW! She really IS fat!"

It is a shame that I spent my entire life obsessing over that number and wanting it to be smaller, and fighting the never-winning battle against it. Just to please society, or to please men, or to feel accepted by women. It is a shame that we still perpetuate this for our young women. 

I remember sitting at marching band practice, a group of popular skinny girls sitting behind me talking about their Limited designer brand clothes and what size they wore. I was ashamed for being in a bigger size and prayed frantically they would not try to pull me into the conversation. It got worse for me when they talked about how "fat" they were at 103lbs... when I sat there at 145lbs. Hearing all of that only made me stop eating and try to starve myself into that 103lbs. I never hit it. I never will. 
I only wish I knew then what I know now about nutrition and that I had the fuck it attitude back then.

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